A day where we come together with family and friends to celebrate our love for one another and give thanks for our blessings.
For some, Holiday's are not something that comes out of a Norman Rockwell painting or that of a television show.
The Holiday season can be highly stressful for people, simply because they will be with their families. For some it is like walking into a mine field.
Others may work themselves to the point of exhaustion in preparation for the meal and not allow anyone to assist them. Some adult children may feel like they are a teenager ready to defend against criticism. For many people this will be the first holiday without a loved one.
If you find the holidays particularly stressful for the above reasons I offer the following 9 tips to help you navigate your time with family.
Read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you have read it before, read it again. It is super short and highly helpful with all relationships. If you need a copy of the book, email me. I will gift it to you.
Ground yourself prior to and repeatedly throughout your visit using visualization and breathing techniques.
Let go of the need to be right.
Build space between what triggers you and your reaction to it. The longer the space or pause, the better. You may find that you will have no need to react at all.
Eat with your non dominant hand throughout your meal. This will make you highly present and can help build that space in between the trigger and your usual response. It will also help with eating more mindfully to avoid overeating due to the stress of being with your family.
Feel the perspective that your loved one (the one that usually triggers you) is coming from. What was their childhood like, what pressures are they under that you know nothing about? Do your best to develop compassion for them and the why behind their behavior. Not to excuse their behavior, but to develop the ability to not take it personally.
If you are the one to "do everything" for the day, ask for help. Trust & be OK that it won’t be done exactly how you would have done it and respect their way.
Those that are missing a loved one. Let the tears come. Sit and breathe through the pain. Do NOT hide or resist it. Allow it and you will find yourself celebrating their life more powerfully and you will feel closer to them than you ever have.
Be kind to yourself during this delicate time of year. Even if you do react in a way that you are not pleased with, recognize that it is practice to retire your triggers and rewire your brain.
May you have a safe, gentle, loving and Happy Thanksgiving.
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